Friday Feature-Urdu(or Hindi) Nursery Rhymes

Asalamu alaikum,

Learning Urdu is difficult for me, but one thing that helps a bit in practicing speaking is to learn little nursery rhymes. Practicing the sound of the words in little silly poems help me be less nervous when actually speaking.

This is the first one that I learned, and the one I know best-

Machli jal ki rani hai
Jeevan uska pani hai
Haath lagaoge to dar jayegi,
Pani se nikalo to mer jayegi,
Machli ko pani men reynedo,
Jeevan uska pani hai.

The fish is the queen of the water,
The water is her life,
If you touch her she will be afraid,
If you take her out she will die,
So put the fish back in the water,
The water is her life.

I like this one, it is a little sad, but very pretty. When my nephew(he is one year older than Saad) was learning this one, he refused to say "mer jayegi". He didn't want to say that the fish will die, but he would substitute another word, like the fish will fall down or something. Saad doesn't mind, and will very happily talk about how he squished a bug and "now it's die". We all die eventually, I prefer not to hide death from him.---(oh, how heavy, can we move on?)

Another poem that is a bit longer is this one-
cham cham cham---
aath aaney ki chalia
aath aaney ka paan
chal mere ghorey Hindustan
hindustan ki pehli gali
pehli gali main liaqat ali
liaqat ali ko goli lagi
sari dunya roney lagi
rotey rotey bhook lagi
khalo beta moongphali
moongphali main dana nahin
hum tumharey nana nahin
nana gaye dehli
dehli sey laye billi
billi ne diye do bachey
Allah mian sachey
sachey sachey jaingey
bhai ki dulhan laaingey
bhai ki dulhan kali
sau nakhron wali
ek nakhra tuut gaya
bhai ka mun sooj gaya!

Cham cham cham
50 cents for one chalia
50 cents for one paan
Lets go, my horse, to India
First street in India,
in the first street lives Liaqat Ali
Shoot Liaqat Ali with a bullet,
all the world is crying
Crying and crying, I am hungry
eat my child, peanuts
there are no seed in the peanuts
I am not your grandfather
grandfather went to Delhi
From Delhi he brought a cat
and the cat gave two children
Allah is truth
go on the truthful way
brother brought a bride
brother’s bride is black
she is very prideful(stuck up)
her pride is broken
Brother is upset.

This one is a favorite of my niece, she can say almost the whole poem in one breath! Saad doesn't know this one yet, it is a bit long, and I am only just learning it. Please excuse any weird bits in translation(totally my fault), I am not very good at that bit, so I had to ask my SIL for some help.

Friday Feature-First Flight into Karachi

Asalamu Alaikum,

My first time coming to Karachi was a bit of an adventure. Not quite as exciting as when we left the US, and not nearly as tiring. There are some things that I will always remember.

Our family almost always flies into Karachi by night. Partly because of work timings and partly to catch the best ticket deals. Some tips-flying from Dubai(rather than Abu Dhabi) to Karachi is cheaper, and you have more options for nonstop flights.

So any way, on our first flight to Karachi, when we started to descend I was staring out the window at the city. There were large sections of light, and then big dark sections, which I at first thought were forests/lakes/ginormous parking lots/etc. As I was watching, suddenly some of the dark sections lit up, and nearby lighted sections went dark. It was my first memory of load shedding! Tariq had explained what it was while we had been living in Abu Dhabi but I had never experienced it myself.

It was a very interesting experience. If you are flying into Karachi I do suggest a night flight, as you can't see it happen in the daytime.

Because it was a small flight we deplaned onto the ground after we landed, then there was a shuttle bus from the plane to the terminal. At the terminal the doors of the bus wouldn't open. Every other passenger(all men) climbed out one of the windows, until it was just Tariq, Saad, and I on the bus. One of the other passengers kindly stayed behind everyone else to help driver wrench the doors open wide enough to let us out.

After getting through immigration, we went to pick up our bags. One had burst a zipper! Nothing got lost so I think it happened when they stuck it on the conveyer belt, and we are awesome at packing suitcases(lots and lots of practice, we can fit everything together like a puzzle).

So that's my first memories of Karachi, a bit of hassle, but totally memorable!

Friday Feature-A very specific name game

Asalamu alaikum,

Urdu is a very specific language when it comes to words for family members. Uncles and aunties are never just that, they have different "titles" depending on if they are maternal or paternal relatives, and also if they are older or younger. To make it even more confusing nicknames are commonly thrown in to the mix!

For example, your paternal grandfather and grandmother are"dada"and "dadi", but your maternal grandfather and grandmother are "nana" and "nani" Your maternal uncles would all be "mama(or mamu)", and maternal aunts would be "khala", but your paternal uncles older than your father would be "tai abu" and the uncles younger than your father are "chacha(or chachu)", your paternal aunts would be "pupo".

Daughters in law are "Bahu", and are called "babhi" by all brothers and sisters, but other bahus may refer to each other differently. If the other bahu is married to your husband's older brother than she is your "jaytani"(and your husband's elder brother would be your "jayt"), if she is married to your younger brother then she is your devarani(and your husband's younger brother would be your "devar").

It can be a bit confusing having so many names for people, but it does save time when referring to someone you can just say for example- "she is my jaytani", instead of saying "she is the wife of my husband's elder brother" or "he is my chachu", instead of "he is my paternal uncle who is younger than my father". It did take a while to memorize all the different words, but it does help when the family is talking about extended family, I know who's who!

Nicknames are also common in our family. Actual names are only used by people older than you, and a lot of the time even then a nick name is used. Tariq has five sisters, each has a nickname, the oldest is "baji"(respectful title for your older sister), the second is "appi"(another respectful term for an older sister) then there is billi(cat), janu(like sweetheart, all the children call her this), and chanda(moon). The eldest son(my jayt-BIL older than Tariq), is called "Bhai" by everyone except my father in law who uses his name. Tariq is called "Tariq Bhai"(never just his name, for respect), by all except his father and older brother, and I. I call him something totally different. If we are alone I might call him by his name or an endearment like "honey", or "babe". If we're in front of his younger family I might still use his name, but no endearments! If we are out of the house or in the presence of older relatives I use what a lot of women call their husband "soon-yeh", which just means "listen". The Gori Wife had a great post on this whole topic(the names/titles and the not saying the husband's name thing) awhile ago-here it is.

I have my actual name as is listed on my IDs(only my own family and some friends use this, and Tariq when he is trying to be funny), and then the name I used after my reversion, Aishah which is used by all my in laws and some friends. But there is a distinction- all the people older than me in the family(Father in law, brother in law, his wife and two older sisters in law) call me Aishah, but the younger ones(three sisters in law and other younger cousins) never say just my name but always-"Aishah Babhi". One of Tariq's cousin's wives calls me the "dulhan"(bride), I think it is very sweet.

The nicknames and different titles are an interesting way of showing respect within the family.

For reference if any one is interested
Maternal grandparents-Nana, and Nani
Paternal grandparents-Dada and Dadi
Maternal uncles, and their wives-Mamu and Mami
Maternal aunts and their husbands-Khala and Khalu
Paternal uncles older than your father and their wives-tye abu and tya
Paternal uncles younger than your father and their wives-chachu and chachi
Father-Abu(there is another word, but it is not common-baap)
Mother-Ami(less commonly-maan)
Brothers-Bhai
Sisters-Bahen
Nephews and Nieces(brother's side)-Bateeja and bateeji
Nephews and Nieces(sister's side)Bahenja and bahenji
Brother's wife-Babhi
Husband's sister and her husband-Nund and Nundoy(although this one is really old fashioned and no one actually uses it)
Husband's brother and his wife(older than your husband)-Jayt and jaytani
Husband's brother and his wife(younger than your husband)-Devar and devarani
Father in law and Mother in Law-Sussar and Saas(most people just use the title their husband/wife uses-like ami and papa)

Friday Feature-medium, middle of the road, average

Asalamu Alaikum,

I used to think that everyone had one special thing that they can do better than most people. Some people are really good knitters, some make the perfect cup of chai every time, some sing, some dance. I eventually realized that sometimes it just doesn't work that way. I learned that there are people that are really good at one thing, people that are not good at anything, and people that are medium good at lots of different stuff.

That's where I fall(or so I like to think), smack in the middle. I like to learn new things, new crafts, and I am always happiest in the first six months of a job(when learning the ropes). I enjoy the process of learning, but I have never found one thing that I do exceptionally well.

For a while I thought, maybe I just haven't found my one thing, and that's why I liked to learn new stuff. I was searching for my one exceptional talent. There were times that I felt a bit depressed not to have found it yet, but then always the excitement of learning a new thing distracted me.

Is there really anything wrong with being average? I don't think so. Sure we need the people that are exceptional, the ones with the big ideas, and big dreams, but everything runs because of the "average" people.

I am happy being medium good in lots of stuff, and eventually realized that that is my special talent- "Jack of all trades, master of none,
though ofttimes better than master of one."

Friday Feature-Compulsive laundry folding...or my Shalwar kameez storage solution

Asalamu Alaikum,

I am very particular about how I fold my laundry. I never used to be, but then I never really cared about clothes too much, and usually just threw on whichever tee shirt and jeans were on top of the clean laundry pile.

I have tried many techniques for hanging/folding shalwar kameez, and have finally found one that I like. I have gotten to the point that it really bothers me if my suits are not folded the right way, to the point where I will get up from bed to fold them properly before I can sleep. I am not too worried though, ;-) at least the clothes get folded and aren't in a heap on a chair somewhere.

My closet.

On the top shelf is where I keep my Qur'ans and other Islamic books, then the next shelf down is the "really fancy function suits" section. The third shelf is the "medium fancy, guests over/going visiting suits" section, and also the extra hijabs. The fourth shelf is the "house work/lazing around the house suits" section. Finally the bottom shelf is where I keep the "really fancy things that go in a box", the saris, and shararas.

Close up!


First I fold the dupatta in half the long way, and then in either thirds or quarters, whichever makes it about 10 inches wide, as some dupattas are 32" wide and some 45".


Then I fold the shalwar in half and put it on top of the dupatta, with the foot opening at the "top" side of the dupatta.


The kameez goes on the top of the shalwar with the neck opening on top of the feet. First I fold in the sleeves, then roll the kameez from the neck down to the damman(the bottom of the shirt).


Next I roll the kameez and shalwar together, from the top of the shalwar down to the foot opening.


Lastly I roll the whole thing together from the top of the dupatta to the bottom, and get this neat little roll that is just slightly less wide than the depth of my closet shelf. Perfect.

Friday Feature- A Good Cry

Asalamu Alaikum,

Sometimes I get really stressed. Living here can be fun, and I do try to stay upbeat and positive. Sometimes though, it just gets to me. After a while everything starts to add up and I feel like I am going to pop from stress, tension, bickering, load shedding, the phone repair guy not showing up for three days (and then wanting a bribe), and the million and one other things that just build up.

One thing at a time it is easy to handle. Ok so when my sister in law and I are not getting along for a couple days, fine, we'll be back to normal next week(inshAllah!). When the phone repair guy finally shows up, and then leaves and then the phone stops working for the rest of the day, fine, he'll be back tomorrow to fix it, and it's just a day anyway.

But when everything happens all at once? There are just times when I feel like crying. So, I do. I go up to my room all alone and sit and just cry. I know it doesn't help, it won't solve my problems, or make them all just disappear. What it does for me is to help relieve the tension. After a good cry (and a nice big pity party, "oh woe is me"), I can sit up, stop feeling sorry for myself, wash my face and feel a lot better. Nothing has changed, but it is easier to face all the problems after a good cry.

I think partly it is because after the crying/pity party, I find it easier to see the good in my life. Like all the good things are hiding away behind the fog of negatives, and the crying comes and washes the fog away to help me see clearly.

Alhamdulilah, I do have a lot to be grateful for. So now that I've had my cry ;-), I'll just be getting back to life, and trying to keep my eyes on the good in life!

PS-sorry for the Friday Feature on a Saturday, our phone wasn't working the repair guy didn't show up until this morning ;-)

Friday Feature-Khes aur Cambal Wale

Asalamu Alaikum,

The wale(door to door salesmen) sell different things according to the seasons. When it starts to cool down and all during the winter there are wale that sell Khes(sounds like "case") and cambal. Cambals are just soft comforter types of blankets, thick and usually fuzzy. The khes is a thinner woven blanket(here is a very detailed article on khes and other woven fabrics common in Southeast Asia), that is very common in the Sindh and Punjab ares of Pakistan.

A cambal wala, mostly they carry the blankets tied onto their back instead of on a cart like many other wale.
A khes wala, taking a little rest.

The khes wale usually come on bicycles, with the khes tied in a stack on the back and a couple on the front handle bars for display. Khes come in sets of two or four, and the plainer ones are usually still in one big piece that you have to cut and finish the edges yourself. There are fancier khes that have already been cut and have a finished edge, sometimes a fringe or tassels.

One side
and the reverse

The less expensive, plain types of khes are generally only two to three colors and have a very basic checker type pattern. Other khes have elaborate floral motifs with five or more colors, and most are reversible.

Fancy design on the long sides
The shorter edges with tassels.

The single khes is roughly four feet wide by six feet long, so the un-separated khes are about four feet wide by twenty four feet long.

This is one of the set of khes that Tariq bought for me last winter.

Friday Feature: A Trip to Liaquat Market

Asalam Alaikum,

I have been meaning to get this posted for a long time. The biggest market in our area is Liaqat Market. It is not a mall type where everything is enclosed, but more like an American style flea market, very open. In much of the market the shops are basically little alcoves, and the center aisles are roof less, or sometimes there are big sheets tied up to provide more shade.

We usually take the Honda 50 to go shopping as it is older(less likely to be stolen), and has the "dubba"(box area in the front), to hold stuff. Tariq is the in the middle, Saad sits in front of him, and I sit "side saddle" at the back. InshAllah I'll get a picture of all of us sometime, now that his sister is here to hold the camera. :-)

Tariq and Saad ready to go

When we get to the market there is a motorcycle parking area up front. It is five rupees to park and the watchman gives you a little ticket(half goes on the bike and half you take) so that he know you payed.
Motorcycles all lined up
Sometimes it gets a bit crowded

In the front section of the market is where most of the dry goods type stores are. All the chawal(rice), dals(lentils), masale(spices) and other things are in bins. There are usually a whole bunch of different bins of rice, some for biriyani, some for regular cooking, some that are better for kheer(rice pudding).
All the food lined up out in the open.

Also in the outer section is the vegetable and fruit wale(sellers). There are alcove type shops on the sides of the main road area, and then there are carts lined up in the center and anywhere there is space.


Inside the market is kind of like a maze with narrow little aisles. There are stores for shoes, kids clothes, cosmetics, tailoring materials, gents clothes and many many shops for ladies clothes. Usually one of our first stops is for ladies shalwar suits. The little alcoves that make up the shops have shelves on most of the walls stacked with bolts of fabric and suits already cut into sets of shalwar/kameez/dupatta. There is usually a small stage type area where the shopkeepers stand and show off the suits, and a line of seating for the customers to sit and relax while they look at the suits.
Wall of a shop with stacks of suits.

The suits rejected by the customer end up on the floor of the stage, to be folded after the customers leave.

After you have selected your suits, the next stop is the bale(edging) store, for any ribbons, laces, or beaded trimmings to go with your suit.
Oooh, shiny things. Sometimes I just like to look at the bales, because some are very pretty.

After you have your suit and your trimmings, then its off to buy your chudiyan(bangles). The walls of the bangle store are also filled with row upon row of shiny things! You give the shopkeeper the dupatta to make a matching set of bangles, and he'll make a set up and show it to you for approval. If you like it he packs it up and if you don't then he'll change out some pieces until it fits what you want.

Friday Feature: The Friday Routine

Asalam Alaikum,

Our Friday routines very rarely vary. We actually have two routines, one when the whole family is together and one when it is split up and half of us are here and half in Abu Dhabi.

When the whole family is together it is usually in UAE. Friday mornings start a bit slowly, everyone sleeps in. Maybe one of us women will get up early and start the lunch cooking then go back to sleep. Around 11:30 or 12:00 everyone is up, but we don’t usually eat breakfast. Usually everyone just has a cup of chai, and some toast with jam or some biscuits, for the kids.

Because it is Friday, everybody has to shower and wear nice clothes (if we have new suits we save them and wear for the first time on Friday). While the chai is boiling there is a mad rush to use the iron, with everyone complaining that the person ahead of them is moving too slowly. :-)

Unfortunately our house in Abu Dhabi has only one bathroom, for a family of 11. I really don’t get that, I mean it is a three bedroom house, why only one bathroom? Anyway, just after chai, and the ironing session, the bathroom line forms, first my father in laws has his turn. After FIL is finished then all bets are off and it is every man/woman for themselves. If it’s winter time, then at some point in the line a small argument will break out as someone has taken an extra long shower, used up all the hot water and now everybody after them has to take a freezing cold shower. The one who used all the hot water will be in mild disgrace for the rest of the day.

After all the chai/ironing/showers, the men leave for Jumah at the masjid. Sometimes some of us women will go, as in Abu Dhabi most of the masjids have a women’s section. Recently the men started taking the kids too(my brother in law has two sons), now that they are old enough to sit quietly or imitate their father rather than cry and disturb everyone else.

After everybody gets back from Jumah we all sit down to a big family lunch. Usually we eat simpler foods during the week like aloo gosht(like meat and potato soup), or dals(lentils), and vegetable salaans(curries). On Fridays we have fancier foods like biriyani(spicy rice and meat), or nihari. After a big heavy lunch, almost everybody goes for a nap(except for me, I can’t sleep in the day), then sometimes we’ll go out somewhere, shopping or to one of the many garden parks in Abu Dhabi.


In Pakistan the routine is a bit different, as there is only Tariq, one of his sisters, Saad and I. There are also five bathrooms instead of one. :-) I get up around 9:30 or 10:00 on Fridays, read some Qur’an, iron Tariq’s, Saad’s and my own clothes, then shower and change. Then I start breakfast, when that is almost ready I go wake up Saad, Tariq and my Sister in law. I give the baby his bath and put him in his shalwar kameez.


All ready for Jumah!

After a quick breaskfast Saad and Tariq leave for Jumah. I never get to go as in our area there is no space for women. :-( At first when Saad started to go to Jumah with Tariq and his Dada(Saad’s paternal grandfather, not Tariq’s, who was in Pakistan for time off from his job in Abu Dhabi), he was afraid and didn’t really want to go. Dada convinced Saad to go by bribing him with the promise of a juice box on the way home.

When Saad got back the first time he was so proud, he told me “Mama, Saad give money to Allah(swt).” Now his favorite thing about Jumah is that daddy will give him money to keep in his pocket before they go, for him to donate to the masjid.

After they get back we sit down to a family lunch, then hang around the house the rest of the day. Occasionally we’ll go to visit one of Tariq’s married sisters in the evening.

Friday Feature-An Artist's Hands

Asalamu Alaikum,

For the longest time I have wanted to have long delicate fingers, smooth unblemished hands. Maybe I read too many romance novels, but always the heroine's hands seem to be described with words like- "delicate", "elegant", "smooth", "porcelain", "fine boned", "tender", "exquisite", and "graceful". In my mind I have this picture of a hand with slender wrists, with long and graceful fingers, the kind I have always imagined artists and piano players to have.

When I look at my hands they don't look anything like the picture I see in my head. My wrist is not slender, my palms are square, and my fingers are on the short and stubby side. When I used to look at my hands I sometimes thought that they were "peasant hands", rough, square palmed, hard and more suited to working in a field all day than creating art.

I love to work with my hands, all the crafts that I do, the sewing, the knitting, everything is still art to me. Sometimes I am following a pattern(usually not though), but even then it is in a way still art. Similar to the way musicians play the notes written, crafters following patterns are just playing their own notes.

I am not sure when my opinion of my hands changed, but somewhere along the line it did. My hands may not have long slender fingers, but they still create things. I wrote a post once about my mental body image, and how it doesn't really match to what I see in the mirror. Not quite the same problem, as my hands haven't magically turned into the idealized image I have of an artist's hands, but my perception of my hands has changed.

Now when I look at my hands I see that they are still square, with stubby fingers, but also that they are strong, capable, beautiful- the hands of an artist.

Friday Feature-Dayks/Catering

Asalam Alaikum,

For many of our parties/functions(engagements, mehndis, Qur'an khanees) we have some dayks delivered. Usually they have biriyani/pulao, or a quorma, with your choice of meat or chicken. They also have sweet dishes like zarda(sweet, multi colored rice with all sorts raisins/coconut/little sweet colored bits), or kheer(rice pudding).

For size comparison- Saad at 18 months next to a dayk.
Tariq transfers biriyani to a serving dish.

About an hour before the party starts the dayk wala comes by the house with the back of his truck full of dayks for his deliveries. He drops off your pot(s), and then goes to finish his deliveries. The waiters take over during the party and transfer the food to the buffet line, they are always busy carrying hot trays of food back and forth!

During the month of Muharram here in Karachi(specifically the ninth and tenth) people often fast. Commonly in our area the dayk walas prepare large amounts of haleem(kind of like a savory porrige, made with grains, lentils, and meat), which people will buy to feed people who are fasting, or donate to masjids.
A line of dayks full of haleem prepared for Ashura(tenth day of Muharram


Further away, since they take up so much space they are not inside but prepared on the side of the road.

Friday Feature- Auto Rickshaws

Asalam Alaikum,

One of my favorite ways to get around in Karachi is rickshaws. The only time I get to ride in them though is when I go shopping with my sisters in law. Anytime I go out with Tariq it is always in a car/taxi or on the motorcycle.

A regular size rickshaw.

Peek-a-boo, Saad likes rickshaws too!

View from the back seat, steers with handlebars.

Outside the main market in our part of town the rickshaw drivers line up and wait for a fare.

I love rickshaws so much, when I saw these little toys in the market I just had to get them...for Saad.(Yeah for the baby, right! Babies make great excuses to buy things you are "too old for")

Zipping around in a rickshaw is really fun, the drivers usually go very fast and also turn sharply so it can be quite the adventure. The other day I posted about the truck art, rickshaws are also sometimes highly decorated, inside and out. Sometimes vinyl stickers or paint, sometimes bead hangings or colorful cloth. A couple of rickshaws we have rode in have strands of jasmine flowers hanging from the rear view mirror.

A couple little tips though if you have never been in a rickshaw- always negotiate the fare up front, if you don't then some drivers try to overcharge you by a lot. Also if you are pretty tall (Tariq is 5'10" and has trouble fitting comfortably in the regular rickshaws) then try to find a CNG rickshaw, they are a bit larger and so have more headroom.

Friday Feature -Importance of Chai

Asalam Alaikum,

In America, generally people drink coffee rather than tea. I actually like tea better, though I do occasionally drink coffee.

Chai is very different drink than than the regular tea that is more common in America. In America I drank steeped tea with just sugar, whereas here the patti(tea leaves) are boiled with lots of milk and sugar. It is a little stronger than my normal method, but very tasty. Some people add different masaley(spices) to their chai, sometimes elichi(green cardamom) or loung(cloves), but that depends on each family and their preference.

Many people drink chai 3-4 times in a day. It is almost always served with breakfast, and then sometimes after lunch and dinner, and usually in the late afternoon/early evening around the time of maghrib(sunset prayer). If anyone is feeling unwell in our family chai is one of the first things everyone suggests.

Chai is often served to guests in Pakistani homes. People here are very hospitable. Usually when we visit someone's home, after all the greetings and a little chatting chai is served. Though it does depend on the time and the weather, if it is hot out then guests are usually served chilled juice.(like Rooh Afza, Tang or some soda)

Some people serve chai after the wedding dinner or the valima(reception) dinner. Many weddings that we have gone to in the cold season have served a simple "Kashmiri chai", which has some ground almonds and other things.

There are many little stalls with "chai waley"(tea sellers), mostly these are for men and women or families go to a more restaurant style place with a separate families section. There are also Chai waley in the market when we go, men who walk through the market with a large basket full of little cups, and a big thermos that has a pump dispenser on the top, this is mostly for the shop keepers so they don't have to leave their shop alone.

Friday Feature- Miswak

Asalam Alaikum,

Miswak is one of those things that, at first, I thought was kind of strange. Tariq showed me one that he had in America, and I wondered why you would use a stick when there are perfectly nice brushes.
Moist packaged miswak

When we were in Abu Dhabi I had read a bit more on the sunah of miswak and so when Tariq's sister offered to give me half of her miswak to try I decided to go for it. The one that she had bought was a dry type, not a moist one in a pack so I had to first soak it in a glass of water.

Soaking a miswak

Then peel off about half an inch of bark and chew it a bit to make it brush-like.
It was strange at first, but eventually I got used to it.

The brush end

I didn't use the miswak all the time, but recently I decided to use it more often. So every time I brush my teeth with a brush I always follow with a miswak and also use it sometimes between brushing. I have gotten into the habit and now it doesn't feel strange at all.

One of the benefits that I have noticed is that it helps me concentrate better during my prayers. The process of using the miswak and then making wudu seems to calm my mind so that I pay attention, instead of rushing my wudu and then not being able to concetrate during salat.

Friday Feature- Rooh Afza on the Roof

Asalam Alaikum,

My favorite juice drink has to be Rooh Afza. When we were in America Tariq found some at a local halal grocery and he told me I had to try it. It was delicious! The taste is hard to describe, but imagine if you could taste the scent of roses, it is kind of like that. Most often the Rooh Afza syrup is mixed with cold water, maybe some ice and sometimes a lemon slice. Some people like to drink it mixed with cold milk, and sometimes with Seven-up. There are other brands of juice like this-Naurus, Jam Shirin. They all have the same basic taste but some have a little extra of one thing or another. For example, to me, Naurus has a little too much cinnamon taste.

This is the bottle available here, the one in America was glass and had a slightly different label design.

Saad loves Rooh Afza, and he thinks it is funny when his tongue turns red

A relaxing afternoon on the roof

Rooh Afza is used a lot during Ramadan here in Pakistan. In our family we always have one pitcher of water and some dates to start and then follow that with Rooh Afza and all the snacks-samosa, pakora, chaat, and fruit.

Friday Feature- Why I can't be a tourist

Asalam Alaikum,

I don’t usually take too many pictures when we are outside shopping or just around town. This is mostly because Tariq has safety concerns. The area we live in is not one of the “high class” areas with lots of foreigners, so he worries about us sticking out more than we already do. He says that if I were to walk around the local market snapping pics, that it would encourage thieves because I “look like a tourist”.

Sometimes I use a cell phone camera, or Tariq will use it for me to take an interesting picture. They don’t usually come out well, but I am thinking about posting some just to give an idea of some of the interesting things we have seen.

This is probably one of the biggest reasons that I love to read other gori/desi blogs. Many times while visiting Southeast Asia, they have taken the types of pictures that I want to. It is pretty cool to see the things that I think are interesting/cool/weird pop up on somebody’s blog. Sometimes I’ll have moments when I’ll say something like “Ooh that happens here too!” or “Oh I felt that way too when I first saw the toilets here”.

I think it would probably be different is we actually were just visiting. For now, while we are living here full time, I’ll just have to stick to my bloglists and enjoy everyone else’s interest pictures!

Friday Feature- Joined Family System

Asalam Alaikum,
In Pakistan and other parts of Southeast Asia, joined families are still pretty common. Many families have sometimes four or more generations living in the same house. Usually it is the sons that stay in the family house and bring their wives to live with the family, while the daughters get married and go to live with their husband and his extended family.

As the sons get married and the family grows some families may branch out and others will put an addition on the house(that's what our family did- added the second and third floors to make enough space). Generally each son(and his wife) will have their own bedroom(sometimes with attached bathroom), but then all the other rooms will be common rooms. Like in our house there is one bedroom for Tariq's father, one for his sisters, and then one for us, and one for his brother and his wife.

There are some benefits and some drawbacks to living in a joined family system.

One benefit is that it is easier to support the parents as they get older. Instead of all the responsibility falling on one child, all the sons work and contribute to the household. Another benefit is that with so many people around it is not as difficult to cope with when one person is ill. There are so many people that it is no problem to keep up the cooking, cleaning and child care as well as tending to the sick one.

For example if I get sick I don't have to worry that dinner won't get cooked, or that I'll have to chase after Saad while I'm ill. I have the comfort of knowing that Tariq's brother's wife will take care of dinner or his sisters can help take care of Saad. And when one of the others is ill I do the same.

Some of the drawbacks is that when there are so many people living together little arguments can break out over small things. Like whose turn is it to clean the common bathrooms, or to sweep/vacuum the common areas. It can also be difficult to find privacy if you just want to spend a bit of time alone.

My main problem is that brother's in law are not maahram(close relative who can see a woman without hijab). So when Tariq's brother is here in Karachi I have to wear my hijab at all times, unless I'm in our bedroom. Right now it isn't really a problem because my brother in law spends most of the year in Abu Dhabi.

So, while it has been an interesting experience living in a joined family, I am kind of looking forward to living on our own again eventually.

Friday Feature- Dhikr and Tasbeeh(prayer beads)

Asalam Alaikum,

These are Tasbeeh(prayer beads). Muslims sometimes use them when making dhikr(remembrance of Allah{swt}). They can be made of many different materials- wood, metals(like steel or silver), pearls, ivory, glass, or precious stones. Some tasbeeh have 33 beads with two separating beads making three sections of 11, and some tasbeeh have 99 beads with two separating beads making three sections of 33 beads. One of the most common forms of dhikr is to recite "Subhan-Allah"(Glory be to God) 33 times, "Alhamdulillah"(All praise be to God) 33 times, and "Allahu Akbar"(God is the Greatest) 34 times.

The ones in the middle of the picture above are a ceramic set of 33 that belonged to my mother in law. Tariq asked me to fix them because the string had broken and the beads were loose, but they are a little heavy and no one really uses them. Each bead says "subhanAllah". The beads on the far left and the second from the right are both wooden sets with 99 beads. The second from the left(light blue) and the far right(pale yellow/greenish) are both plastic sets with 99 beads.



Some people don't use tasbeeh to make dhikr, as they see it as a bidah(innovation), so they prefer to use the joints of the fingers. My view is that if you let the tool become more important than the action(like saying-"I can't find my tasbeeh, so I can't make dhikr"), then that would be wrong, but I don't have a problem with the beads themselves.

Friday Feature- Buh-dia Fashion

Asalam Alaikum,

I am not fashionable. I never have been, I was not girly-girly growing up, never really had any interest in make-up or fashion. I was much more likely to be found playing in the mudflats close to our house, digging up clams/snails, than playing dress up.

After marrying Tariq I did change a little. He bought me a couple shalwar kameez suits to wear, because he liked the look of them. I liked them because for the fashion challenged they are already matched, I didn't have to worry that I looked like I got dressed in the dark. They are also extremely comfortable, especially when pregnant with Saad and none of my other clothes fit. I didn't wear them too often outside the house, only once or twice to the masjid(I am pretty sure I got a lot of weird stares for that one). Mostly I wore an abaya to cover up anyway.

When we got to the UAE to live with Tariq's family, they just assumed that I would wear what everyone else wore. I didn't even really think about it. All of his sisters are very fashionable, keeping up with the latest trends. I didn't really pay attention to what was fashionable, I just went for what felt the most comfortable. Tariq's sisters tease(playfully-not meanly) that I dress like a "buh-dia", an old woman.

When I am fashionable it is usually by accident. For example-I like my kameezes extra long, hitting below the knee. Now long kameez is in fashion, so I look fashionable even thought that's not what I was going for.

I love to sew my own suits(partly because I enjoy sewing and partly because of the problems I have had with tailors not listening). Sometimes I will get an idea, and then try it out. Sometimes I get the fashion thumbs up and sometimes I get the "buh-dia fashion" face. I have changed to the point where I do enjoy a little bit of fashion for special occasions, but I am still a "comfort over looks" kind of girl.

Friday Features

Asalam Alaikum,

I always have ideas for blog posts, but when I sit down to write I get distracted.
So I have decided to try to write more, and I think it will help if I have some sort of a deadline, to motivate me. So, InshAllah, every Friday I will try to write at least a little something.

Some topics might be-
1.stuff I see
2.general cultural tid-bits as seen by a gori
3.related to #2-little things that are interesting/different about living in Pakistan
4.useless trivia
5.not so useless trivia that might be useful for other gori wives out there
6.personal experiences in Islam
7.completely random stuff that may or may not make sense

I will probably still be posting randomly between Fridays as well.

So see you on Friday!